Gossip

Conversation with my cleaning lady:-

(but in French)

“Me, Madame, I’m no gossip.  Not never.”

“No, of course not, Marie.”

“That’s just me, it is. I knows when to keep me trap shut.”

“Yes, of course, Marie.”

“That’s always bin my policy, Madame.  Never say nothink about nobody. Best that way.”

“Yes, yes, quite right Marie …”

“I mean, that girl next door – you know that huge fat cow what I was telling you about ?”

“Er … ?”

“You know, Madame!  I was telling you about how she nicked the neighbour’s washing off the line ?!”

“Oh, er, yes …..”

“Well, her.  Never said no more about her did I?”

“No …”

“Ooooh, I knows when to keep mum, I does!   I mean to say, when she fell pregnant, did I say anything ?  No.  Never a word.  Never said a thing.  And the father unknown!   All four of her kids by different men, y’know!”

“Mmmmmm …”

“Nah … none of me business, that’s my motto.  Just like her mother, she is.  Just as bad as her mother.  ’Cept there weren’t no CONTRACEPTINGS in them days, so the babies just kept coming.  Father – or fathers, I should say, unknown.  All of ‘em. Disgusting.”

“Er, are you running out of polish Marie?  A clean rag, perhaps ?”

“Nah, I’m not done on this ‘ere table yet.  And then this morning – you’ll never guess!”

“No, I’m sure I can’t guess.  The windows perhaps ….?”

“Her sister the same!  Pregnant!  And her just out of prison an all!”

“Oh dear ….”

“But me, I’ll say nuffink.  Knows when to keep me trap shut I does!”